Sadmonger

Sadness the intoxicating sweet venom. We know what it feels like. It’s hard to create a compelling essay explaining what sadness is, since it is impossible to make the argument that there’s a single person in this world that hasn’t felt it. Rather, I’d like to work on the question: why sadness?

Sadness seems to be considered a “problem” emotion, and no wonder. Depression plagues the modern world. We are hyper-sensitive when we are not jaded by nature, and in a comfortable society it’s easy to feel more and express more. It seems to me that we  carry deep pockets of sadness inside. It stays with us, and we carry it around like baggage. When we are disappointed, when we are frustrated, when we loose something or someone very important to us we carry it forever. It takes a trained and disciplined person to let go of sadness completely. But I’d argue that isn’t a useful solution.

Sadness feels like a compounding force that grows with more of life’s hard twists and turns. At times, it can be more that some of us can handle. Self-help books will tell you that sadness is to be avoided at all costs, but I can tell you that sadness not only isn’t a problem emotion, but a necessary one that is begging you to give it the time it deserves.

Sadness can be thought off as an off-state. An alarm system that tells you something isn’t right, or a state of despair that asks you to re-design your societal context and your place in life. It’s a sign of change. I like to see it as a process of shedding skin. When we lose a parent, a friend, someone we cared about, or even an important object we depended on, we enter a state of hurt that feels like a huge hole was opened in our body. Something doesn’t quite work the same way anymore. Sadness is a signal that is telling you “your life just changed a whole lot. You need to deal with this, and adapt accordingly, or you will perish.” Without sadness we would just continue to march on without a thought in the world, not realizing that we are no longer the same way. You can’t call your mom anymore, you can’t go out with your friend anymore, etc. Your life changed, and you need to see it and feel it. You need to let yourself go through it.

Imagine losing our job in this economy, and not being able to feel anything about it. How would you know that if you don’t look for another job you’d starve? You need some sort of system that informs you that something bad happened. If you don’t perform well and you’re booed out of stage, how are you supposed to improve and do better next time? You need that hurt. It’s good that sadness hurts. We don’t want to feel it, so we move and try to change things so that we can feel it less strongly. 

I am aware, however, of chronic depression, which is an entirely different beast. I wouldn’t say that that type of sadness is good, but it still warns of much needed change. If we were to stay highly depressed all the time we would most certainly die, so we are forced to crawl out of the hole. The more it hurts the harder you need to try.